Friday, December 2, 2016

A Few Steps Back and 14 Weeks Forward.

This has been a year of constantly changing plans, more so than I can remember in any other year. While I've definitely changed my mind, thrown wrenches into the mix, and been subject to the uncontrollable aspects of life many times before- this time was just, different.

For the first few months of the year things were pretty well laid out in running and life. Training for Boston, planning on home improvements, steady one job work schedule, nothing nutty. Before we knew it, we were preparing for a baby, throwing race plans out the window, picking up second job (kids are expensive), and planning the year around a happy December due date. A few months later and we were back at square one, completely defeated and unsure of what the next steps should be. A few steps forward, a million steps back is about how it felt.

As time went on, I started running again and more importantly we started coming out of the fog and looking towards the happy future ahead. The goals got shuffled around, a goal marathon got added to the list and we planned on next year being the year for lots of big life stuff so this fall would be the last hoorah before taking time to focus on other priorities.

Funny as it all works out, a few weeks later we decided (or someone else decided for us) that our plan should be different yet again. As soon as I took those pretty sweet looking marathon shoes off the shelf, I was gladly hanging them back up.

When I posted about deciding not to run Philly everything I said was 100% true. I've been going so hard with training for years on end and mentally and physically I honestly didn't realize how ready for a break I was. After everything that happened in the spring, my head never really got back into running space the way I'm used to it being. I assumed it was just still grief, and general running motivation struggle (it happens). Looking back though, it's pretty obvious where my head and heart were even if I couldn't see it then. We hadn't realized how much we wanted that step (at this time) until it was taken from us.

So when we were all of a sudden facing a positive pregnancy test again, everything made so much more sense. In some ways it put me at ease, in that it explained why I was feeling the way that I was. In other ways it rocked me to my core with fear and personal trust issues. For today though, we are going to focus on the positives.

Here we are into the second trimester, and the excitement grows by the day. Sure there are moments we struggle and the fear creeps in, but we get through it. We've found ways to feel like we can keep a better eye (or ear) on whats going on, and we aren't letting things hold us back from being hopeful.

My days are still the same working two jobs, the evenings are a little more relaxing with some extra time in the recliner with Netflix and Fire TV. Our spare time is getting the house ready to sell, thinking about baby things, and the usual preparations for the busy holiday season as well.

So maybe this year didn't turn out the way we expected by any means. I may not have a marathon PR, or a baby due date in a few weeks. But we have a whole lot of perspective, and a few more months to prepare for a wonderful bundle of joy (and sleepless nights) come late spring.

------

{Note for future posts- Everything will not be pregnancy related, but clearly it's going to be a big part of my life for a while. I have some planned posts about how things are going, some running related and will probably update a few times over the next 26 weeks as well. I do also plan on doing a few separate posts on pregnancy after loss and some other related things- I feel it's something that isn't talked about enough and have had some wonderful(but tough) conversations and people reach out since we shared our experience, and the current news as well}

3 comments:

  1. Congratulations! Wishing you the best. And yeah- life definitely throws you curve balls and you can end one year in a very different spot from where you started it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Congratulations! What a year for you. You are coming out of this one tough as nails. I'm due June 6th, so I'm really looking forward to watching your journey. Thank you for sharing and keeping it real.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh my goodness, congratulations! I am overwhelmingly happy and wish you guys all the luck in this next life adventure. Can't wait to read more about running, etc.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...